Sunday, March 7, 2010

POST-MORDEM: Danica Patrick's NASCAR Experiment, Part 1

Well, it's March which means two things: First, Daylight savings is about to rear its' ugly head for the next few months, which always pisses me off. Second, college basketball is about to go nuclear with March Madness as a new national champion is crowned for both the men and women. But is also means that the IRL season is ready to kick off down in Sao Paolo. Of course, this year's edition of American Open Wheel racing will feature two big names who have, according to a few "purists," gone over, "to the dark side," AKA driven in NASCAR.

Before I get further into that, let me address this seemingly constant sniping between fans of stock car and open wheel racing. If you;re a fan of racing in general, you've heard the insults thrown back and forth on both sides: "high-falutin', wine-and-cheese eatin' snobs trying to be Formula 1," "Left-turn only, in-bred, mullet-wearing rednecks," etc. etc. What both sides are missing is that racing is racing, whether it's a dirt-gouging sprint car going around the quarter-mile at Eldora, a turbo-charged Dallara chassis going around the second turn at Indianapolis or a Chevy body with a restrictor plate taking the high banks of Talledega or Daytona. there are a number of tracks where both series run together, like Texas and Indy and Sonoma, bu you don't see people not come out to those tracks because the other series is in town, they come out because they love racing.

Anyway getting back to the topic at hand, This year's edition of the IRL will feature the title defense of Dario Franchitti, one of the recent IRL drivers who jumped over to NASCAR but ended up on the outside looking in, not because of his racing acumen, but because of sponsor problems, namely the lack thereof. Of course, along with Dario comes his better half, Kentucky basketball's #1 Fan, his wife, actress Ashley Judd. And of course, there's Ashley's "favorite" driver, Danica.

Ah yes, Danica, AKA Mrs. 105-pounds of mouth, AKA Mrs. "Stupid Idiot," AKA Milka Duno's Number 1 fan (Did you REALLY Think I wouldn't mention Milka-licious at some point in this story?) So she's run three Nationwide Series races and all three times, she either finished close to the back, or crashed out. Now, normally, you know I love any opportunity to take down "Mrs. Mouth" a couple of pegs, but wait for it, in this case, I think people are getting way too freaked out over her less than stellar showing.

First of all, it's ONLY been three races, Three, Daytona, Fontana and Vegas. If you know anything about NASCAR, you know that the first three races of the year are as diverse as can be, not just because of the tracks, but because of the set-ups for the cars. Everyone knows Daytona's restrictor plate racing is unique to the series. Please, no rebuttals about Talladega at this time, allow me to make my point. Daytona is the "Crew Chief" race, because they have most of the work to do to get the car ready for the high-banking and drafting opportunities that open up because of the plate. Fontana, on the other hand, is the first opportunity for the DRIVERS to test out their abilities, as the two-mile oval at the Auto Club Speedway and the lack of a restrictor plate now gives the drivers the chance to use their skills to achieve a win, which we saw with the current 900-pound gorilla of the series, current champion Jimmie Johnson in his win. As for Vegas, it's the speed track, where fuel mileage and strategy play a factor on the mile-and-a-half. Plus, it's Vegas, need I say more?

So what does this have to do with Mrs. Hospenthal? Simple, there is only one sure way for her to get better in stock car racing: seat time. Rob D'Amico, co-host of the Fox Sports Radio show "Race Day on Fox," has been saying the same thing since February, The way she learns how to handle a stock car is with seat time. Now, if the people at JR Motorsports had more time with her, they would have gotten her a part-time ride in the K&N Filter Series, either running in the East or West Series. It would give her the seat time she needs, and we've already seen drivers from this series make the move up to the big show, i.e., David Gilliland and Joey Logano.

There are a number of races that the series run on tracks that would open up depending on Danica's obligations in the IRL. Maybe she takes on the race in Iowa that pits the drivers in both series together in one race. Maybe she can hop over to Sonoma during the NASCAR weekend and run in the West Series' support race on that Saturday. I doubt that she would be free for the Fourth of July race at Irwindale, but still, that would pack the stands.

Of course, right now, Danica's prepping for the season opener in Sao Paolo next Sunday, which means that if you're a DirecTV subscriber, you won't get to see any races until they cut a deal with Versus, which isn't very likely. But anyway, When June rolls around, Danica is back in the seat of her Nationwide series ride, gaining that precious seat time she needs. So until the season is finished and she's done her 12 races, then I'll make a pronouncement on her ability to transition from open wheel to stock cars. But for now, I'll take a wait and see attitude on her season.

UPDATE: As if it wasn't enough that Danica had trouble in her first three Nationwide series races, but now, guess who's gonna be at EVERY SINGLE RACE this season? That's Right!!

My favorite IRL driver, Milka Duno, FINALLY got a full-time ride with Dale Coyne Racing, which means no more occasional races for Milka-Licious, every race, every opportunity to do the same thing Danica needs in NASCAR, Seat Time. But how long before the Mouth loses her cool? My over/under is four races before she blows up, assuming she's not busy texting in the middle of her ride...

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